Do strippers need a resume?

Dearest Reader,

Depending on where you live, various forms of adult entertainment are either practised illegally or they are regulated by the government and therefore easier to find in the streets of your town.

Having grown up in Germany, the presence of strip clubs and brothels are nothing special for me, but this is not so commonplace here in Sydney.

That is not to say that there aren’t any. They are there. I know it, you know it, the government knows it. But we pretend they don’t exist and that we’re above this, which we certainly aren’t, especially not anyone who works for the government. But I digress.

On a recent visit to Brisbane, I noticed a great number of brightly advertised strip clubs in the CBD area, I didn’t even have to go to the seedy side of town and customers walked in and out quite freely (though always visibly carrying the ingrained Catholic school shame, which is delicious.)

In Germany, such establishments often have windows, so you can see the ladies inside. But this Brisbane version was a much more discreet affair, with no windows and several curtains before the entry to the main show hall.

Therefore, despite my nosiness, I saw nothing from the outside. Not even a nipple.

But what I did see instead was a giant job advert on the outside. I can’t remember the exact wording, but it included the following information:

  • They were looking for ‘sexy ladies’
  • You should be able to ‘dance’
  • You could ‘start immediately/tonight’
  • You could earn ‘$$$$’

And it got me thinking. 

Can I just walk in and, like, start?

Do I need to give someone a private show at the back to show my dance moves?

Do I need a resume? What should it say?

Do I need to bring my own clothes and tiger underpants, or is this classified as some sort of work uniform which is provided?

Can I choose the music or do I need to work with whatever you got there?

Can I get free drinks in addition to my $$$$?

Are the $$$$ paid into a bank account or is it all going to be stuffed into my previously mentioned tiger underpants?

 

Does my stage name need to be something obvious, like ‘Turkish Delight’, or could it be something more amusing for me, like ‘Maria’, to freak out all the Catholics in the room?

Do I need to make conversation with customers or just dance around the room?

Can I ask customers to give me a lap dance and smack their bottoms?

I have so many questions.

If there are any professional strippers reading this, I’d love to know how this application process works.

I’d really like to know.

Please.

 

 

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