In a recent quest to make my point in an argument, I was determined to write an academic essay which was ridden with references from famous rap songs.
You may feel that my teaching techniques are questionable, but creativity has no limits when it comes to advocating education and the art of the written word.
So there I sat, determined to incorporate 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop” into an essay about whether same-sex high schools are better than mixing students of both sexes.
You must know, dearest reader, that despite my aversion for violence, tattoos, sexual abuse and drugs, I do occasionally indulge in listening to rap music, or its Latino cousin reggaeton.
I know deep down the messages in these songs are socially questionable, but I never really listen all too carefully anyway.
But of course, for the purposes of my essay, I had to study the lyrics of some of the Rap songs I grew up with.
The first thing that struck me was the grammar. I have spent a lifetime studying the English language with all its rules and exceptions, convinced that I can now at the very least pass as Canadian.
Yet, Fitty opens his mouth and within a matter of 3 minutes, he has murdered every single grammar rule this language has to offer.
“As soon as I come through the door, she get to pulling on my zipper”
Are you serious!
The other thing I noticed is how truly disgusting these lyrics are. Imagine my heartbreak when I finally realised that there is no actual candy shop, and my horror when I finally paid attention to what was meant by “I’ll let you lick the lollipop”.
I am not going to give you the feminist lecture which would be appropriate here. You know it, I know it, 50 Cent probably knows it.
Although it is all very upsetting, I must admit my admiration for somehow making the provision of oral sex sound like a privilege in which the receiver is doing the doer a favour. Well played.
The moral of the story is this: We all love rap music, even if it draws the picture of a very simplistic society consisting exclusively of pimps and their bitches.
To ensure you keep enjoying it, just don’t listen too carefully, and continue to naively assume the candy shop is just an actual candy shop where some nice dude gives you some free stuff. Which is not offensive, but totally awesome.