Sometimes when I walk home late at night I see a man walking his horse in the park across from my house. This is not meant to be friendly bullying of this year’s horse-themed Chinese New Year, but it is the absolute truth.
Why am I opening this conversation with such an arbitrary thought, you might wonder. The thing is that I am not spontaneous, and sudden unexpected horses are incredibly unsettling. At first I thought I was so drunk that my mind is playing evil horse tricks on me. Then, however, my companion also noticed the horse.
In addition, we didn’t only see the midnight horse stroll once, but three times already. There are other witnesses. We know your secret, suburban white man with pet horse!
Whoever you are sir, I have a few questions. My first one would be where do you keep the horse during the day? Why do you even have a horse? Is it for work?
And why do you only take your horse out for a walk at midnight? Are you ashamed of your horse? Do you not want your other horse to know about this horse?
Living in a residential area, I cannot possibly imagine where this man and his horse live. Surely somebody would have heard or smelled something by now, if the horse was kept in a town house or apartment block.
This phenomenon is so random that I don’t even have a theory. I’ve got nothing. I always have a theory, but this man and his horse are an utter mystery to me. Perhaps he comes from far and rides his horse to my park from a major Sydney highway. But it’s a tiny park, why would you go out of your way to come here? In fact it’s so tiny it makes the horse look huge.
Or maybe the horse likes the grass in that particular park. Maybe it’s allergic to the sun, or maybe it has social anxiety and doesn’t like to meet with other horses.
Maybe the owner is blind and thinks the horse is a dog, and night is day?
I cannot express in words, dearest reader, just how odd a huge horse in a tiny park is, after midnight, held on a leash by its owner. The man isn’t even an immigrant who may have brought his horse with him from the motherland, not knowing that in Australia they use cars for transport and kittens as pets.
Dear sir, if you read this, please tell me why you and your spontaneous horse visits are happening. It’s been keeping me up at night.
I just want to know. Please.